Picking up the Pieces
by littlesheep
Summary: A multichapter collection of one shots about various episodes. Rain up now. A hundred thousand words could not quite explain, so I walk you to your car and we can talk it out in the rain – from “Unsaid” by The Fray. SMacked only. StellaMac
1. Blink

This story is an experiment. It's gonna be a multi-chapter story of unconnected one shots – one chapter per episode. Not all episodes will be featured here since for some I already have further developed ideas for longer stories. And some episodes might not provide much for a really nice SMacked story. Each chapter will have the name of the corresponding episode so that you will always know the connection – and you won't be spoiled. If you haven't watched a certain episode, just skip the chapter and move on with the next one.

I will either use the episode as a starting point and develop from there, write an alternate ending or just pick some random moment and start off with it. That's how the story got its name: I'm writing what I think should have happened, could have happened – what I would have loved seeing to happen ;-)

Since the chapters won't be connected, there won't be a "TBC" at the end of the chapter, but there will be more chapters! Each starts off with another episode, not with the previous chapter. Rating and category might vary from chapter to chapter, I will change that in the summary every time I post.

And now – I hope you like it. We will start at the beginning and proceed in order of airing. Just try this one out with me, okay:-)

Characters' thoughts and song lyrics are in _Italics_. Thanks to my friend Mitch for proof-reading and encouraging me!

**Disclaimer**: All the original characters belong to their owners - except for Mac. **Mac belongs to Stella**.

XXXXX

_Chapter 1 – Blink_

Rating: K+  
Category: Hurt/Comfort, Romance

Features the song "A Man This Lonely" by Brooks & Dunn

XXXXX

To say Stella was concerned would be an understatement. More than ever before their current case had oppressed Mac. First they had found a victim with a wedding ring, knowing that there was a husband out there somewhere and now the unidentified victim at Angels of Mercy that they didn't know if there was a husband, a family worrying for a missing loved one.

He was more reclusive and distant than he had been in a long time. He started to spend the nights in his office again, hadn't gotten any sleep in days and didn't always pay attention when somebody was talking to him. The only person that he seemed to talk to about other things than work was her. It was almost as if he had fallen back into that deep hole that he had been in after Claire had died. She knew that this case was personal. It would leave him wounded and recovery would not come easily.

Stella made a decision.

You never know if you don't try and you learn from your mistakes. Was she making a mistake? She didn't know. All she knew was that she had to do something. And it had to happen quickly.

_A man this lonely  
A man this blue  
A man whose world's been torn in two  
Needs somebody  
With a heart that's true  
A man this lonely needs a woman like you_

At the end of a long day, Stella stopped by Mac's office. While approaching the door, she noticed that he wasn't in and most likely wasn't at the lab either. All lights were off. She wondered for a moment and instantly knew where to find him. She briefly shook her head with a sigh and returned to her own office to grab her purse.

XXXXX

Twenty minutes later, Stella arrived at the Angels of Mercy hospital.

When she walked along the corridor, she could see him standing next to the victim's bed. His face was tensed, his lips pressed together, a sharp V formed between his eyebrows. She was shocked by the sad look in his eyes. The door wasn't completely closed, but he didn't notice her approaching. She could see from the outside that he was quietly talking to the unconscious woman in front of him.

Mac was talking very quietly, making it difficult for her to understand, but she could pick up some of his words. When she heard him telling the victim about his painful memory of Claire which still hurt so much that he could barely deal with it and about the beach ball that he had kept all those years because it still contained her breath, Stella felt a lump forming in her throat. She knew how hard it had been for him for a long time. But she had no idea how much he was still struggling with it.

___Two arms this empty  
Need someone to hold  
A man this lost needs somewhere to go  
When the nights go on forever  
And the days do too  
A man this lonely needs a woman like you_

What she needed to tell him wouldn't run away. She wanted to give him the time that he needed and decided to get some coffee and wait until he was ready to come out on his own. On the way back from the cafeteria, her cell phone rang.

"Bonasera. … Really?? That's great, thanks!"

She quickly put her phone back in her pocket and headed back to the victim's room. Now she really had something to tell him. And she knew it would make things a little easier for him. At least it would provide a little peace of mind. She walked around the corner and stopped. He was gone. Damnit, he must have left while she was getting coffee…

But again, she was pretty sure where to find him in a moment like this.

XXXXX

Stella parked her car one block away and walked around the block. She spotted him immediately when she turned around the corner. His forehead leaning against the fence that surrounded Ground Zero, his hands almost desperately grabbing the bars. He didn't move, he didn't hear her approaching.

Very carefully, so not to startle him, she approached him from the left side and softly put her right arm around his neck, her right hand resting on his right shoulder. Mac didn't look up or turn around to see who it was. He knew.

After a moment, his right hand let go of the fence and reached for hers, pulling it closer behind his back to his right side. Stella gave him a silent nod and they remained silent, standing side by side, looking straight into the big gap in the heart of New York City.

"Can we go home?" he whispered barely audible after a while.

"Yeah, we can," she nodded quietly. "I have my car here, I'll give you a ride. Come on…"

They walked in silence, each of them lost in thoughts that were occupying their minds.

After they started driving, Stella looked over to the passenger seat.

"Mac, we got an ID on our Jane Doe at Angels of Mercy," she said.

He looked up in surprise, for the first time in days something like hope in his eyes.

"How…?"

Stella smiled inwardly. She knew this was something good for him, something he needed to be able to rest again.

"I figured that only checking the national missing persons data base might not be sufficient, so I pulled a few strings and extended the search to international data bases. Half an hour ago Flack called and told me we got a hit. The girl's name is Anna Svenson, she's a student from Sweden who was traveling the US for a couple of weeks. Flack has already notified her parents, they will be here as soon as they can get a flight. This is good news, Mac. Right?"

He nodded pensively.

"Yes, that's good news. Anna Svenson…" he whispered. "It's good that we have a name for her. And it's good that the parents know. Not knowing is a lot worse than having certainty. Even though it is still hard…"

"It is," Stella confirmed, reaching for his left hand and softly squeezing it.

XXXXX

"You… wanna come in for a bit?" Mac hesitantly asked when Stella killed the engine in front of his house.

"Sure," she smiled at him.

"She reminded me so much of Claire…, Stella," he started talking after they had entered the house.

Stella was seated on the couch in the living room while he poured drinks for them.

"I can't explain why now, but I had to think about her so much lately. I had abandoned most things that reminded me of her, clothes and such. I just couldn't stand seeing them every day, knowing she would never need them again… And then I cleaned out the closets some days ago – and I found this beach ball. Her breath is still in there, Stella, I can't … I just can't put it away. But the ball is shrinking, the air is escaping through the pores in the plastic, and there's nothing I can do to keep it," he looked at her helplessly.

Stella's heart wanted to burst, she wanted to lift him out of his sadness – and suddenly she knew how.

"Mac!" she exclaimed cheerfully, yet softly. "Remember that vacuum experiment we did at the lab recently? I believe we can try this with the ball… We can place it in the vacuum chamber – and then instead of getting trace of scent from the item, we would draw the air in it into a bottle that we can close hermetically. And save the breath forever."

Mac looked at her incredulously.

"That… Stella, you are amazing," he smiled for the first time in weeks. "That would really work. I… thanks…"

"You're welcome," she gave him a broad smile.

He sighed deeply as he sat down on the couch beside her and handed her a drink.

"You know, when I started on CSI, the first case I worked on… A very smart detective told me that there were always cases that got closer than they should and that it would be part of the job. But we would need to make sure that we wouldn't lose ourselves in it."

"That guy was really smart, wasn't he?" he replied quietly.

Stella gently brushed his cheek with her hand and nodded softly with a smile.

She was a sweetheart…

His heart had told him this for a long time, but he hadn't dared to listen. He had been too busy trying to keep his heart safe from her. Or from anyone else for that matter. But one thing was for sure – and he only realized this now:

His heart would never be safe from Stella.

"I'm sorry," he said carefully, his eyes wary. "I must have been a real pain, especially for you … It's just that sometimes I'm just feeling so miserable, desperate almost. And alone…"

"You have me," she whispered determinedly, eager to let him know that he would never be alone and that she was there for him – no matter what. "Just don't shut me out each time we get close to having a conversation about something more personal. This has been different between us, Mac…"

He wasn't sure how to respond. He knew she was right. He had to brace up and explain things to her.

The silence between them was filled with emotion, words unsaid and questions unanswered.

_____Why am I so nervous? After all the years I have known her, why be nervous now?_

Stella leaned her head against his left shoulder and closed her eyes. It had been a long day, a long week, a tough case and a lot of emotional stress for all of them. She was mentally exhausted and physically tired.

His heart jumped a little from this gesture of trust and comfort. She was giving him the perfect opportunity, all he had to do was do use it. He carefully put his right hand on her left shoulder and pulled her around to face him. Then he laid his cheek against her forehead.

_____I'd lost hope  
I was so far down  
Here you come turning all that around  
I'd come to think  
Of love as a lie  
All that's on my mind now  
Is you by my side_

"Within the last few weeks … actually maybe months… I realized something," he started with a trembling voice, his hand wrapped around hers, placing it over his heart so she could feel its beating. His other hand played absentmindedly with her curls.

_______Realized … what?_

"Stella…" he inhaled deeply.

_______Uh-oh…_

He cleared his throat before he went on.

"I've been through so much, have seen too much cruelty and pain to easily have confidence in other people. I don't easily open up to people – and I have a problem believing in happy endings after … everything."

He swallowed hard and inhaled another deep breath.

"But I do believe in you."

He pushed her back slightly so that he could look at her face and placed a shy kiss on her forehead.

"I … I think we need to … to figure out what we really are to each other. Don't you think?"

_______A man this lonely  
A man this blue  
A man whose world's been torn in two  
Needs somebody  
With a heart that's true  
A man this lonely needs a woman like you  
A man this lonely needs a woman like you_

A small gasp of relief about finally having let it out escaped his throat as he slightly leaned back, nervously – almost anxiously awaiting her reaction.

Stella wanted to speak, but her voice didn't obey. Grey-emerald eyes met hers, looking right into her soul. She nodded barely visible.

_____You bet I do…_

**-**

**Like it? Want more? Next one would be about "Creatures of the Night" and is planned to be a little M-rated one. If you want, that is. Let me know!**

**xxxlittlesheepxxx**_____  
_


	2. Creatures of the Night

In the introduction to the first chapter, I said this story was an experiment. I thought **some** people might review, say it would be nice… But nothing spectacular. Boy, was I wrong ;-) You are sooooo sweet – I can't tell you how much fun this is! THANKS! I never thought this would get such an enormous response – actually you're scaring me here…

Alright – let's try the next one: This one's a bit different than the first one (would be boring if not, hum?) where I needed to "fix" some unsolved issues for myself. This episode didn't leave much to fix, it was perfect. I used some parts of the episode, sometimes I adjusted the order of events a little. I'm just playing a little fantasy here – don't question, just go with it ;-)

But the look in the final scene – that is not my fantasy. That was there in the episode, check it out if you don't remember:-)

**Disclaimer**: All the original characters belong to their owners - except for Mac. **Mac belongs to Stella**.

XXXXX

_**Chapter 2 – Creatures of the Night**_

Features the song _The Woman In Me, _written and performed by Shania Twain, one of my very favorites. I've seen her live with an acoustic version of this amazing song, the atmosphere of it is just perfect for this chapter.

Rating: M  
Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort

Stella leaned against the wall in the corridor next to the interrogation room. A deep, frustrated sigh indicated that things hadn't gone well inside. Mac shared a look with Danny who had just talked to Stella. Danny shrugged and his head motioned towards Flack who was just leading a possible suspect back to the holding cells.

"Wanna talk about it?" Mac compassionately asked.

He was well aware that Stella's involvement in the rape case of the young Robin Prescott was more personal than it should be and he was worried about it. He knew that Stella was the best CSI in his team, but he also knew that sometimes she had a tendency of getting too emotionally involved. He wanted to make sure that it didn't affect her or the case in a negative way.

Stella sighed again. Then she started to speak without looking up.

"It's so damn frustrating… There were traces of sperm on the victim's clothes. With no DNA. Blank shots. Then we found walnut dust on the victim's clothes. Now, walnut dust is used to clean the statues in Central Park. Ergo, a member of the cleaning crew would look good for the rape, right? Wrong. We got sperm samples from all workers who worked the area the day of the crime, all had DNA in them. When I was at the park again this afternoon, I noticed a crew of gardeners working near the statues. Walnut dust could transfer from the statue to the clothes of the gardeners and on to the victim. We matched the boot prints I found at the crime scene to one particular guy and he even volunteered for a sperm sample and to give us his clothes, but he claims he had been reassigned to another part of the park the day of the rape. Mac, his boots match the prints I found and his sperm sample contains no DNA! And yet, we still can't nail the bastard with what we have without a confession or a positive ID…"

Mac waited in silence until she had finished explaining all the details to him.

"Shoe prints just prove that he works at the park and two sperm samples without DNA could be a coincidence. Unlikely, but it wouldn't hold up in court because you can't prove a match," he confirmed with a pensive nod.

"What now?" Stella asked.

"How about a beer after work and tomorrow, you'll start looking at it again with a fresh mind?"

"I could go for something harder today…"

"Okay, but in that case you'll have to have dinner with me," Mac agreed.

"Why's that?"

"You have to eat something, you didn't eat anything all day."

"How do you know?" Stella wondered.

"Because I do know you. Or do you want to tell me I'm wrong?"

She gave him a short look.

"See? You pick, I pay."

"Sounds good," she finally agreed. Normally she didn't like being pampered by anyone, especially not by Mac. But right now, she was more than willing to let him take care of her. Sometimes everyone needed a little support.

_I'm not always strong  
And sometimes I'm even wrong  
But I win when I choose  
And I can't stand to lose  
_

_But I can't always be  
The rock that you see  
When the nights get too long  
And I just can't go on  
_

XXXXX

"So, how was your day?" Stella asked after they had placed their orders at a little Chinese restaurant near the lab at the end of a long shift.

"Oh, pretty interesting actually. Aiden finally got the rat that ate the bullet from our shooting victim – and I performed a 'ratopsy' to extract the evidence," Mac reported, glad that the food hadn't arrived yet.

Stella shot him a suspicious look.

"What? I washed my hands!" Mac grinned.

"Uh, I hope so…" she returned still slightly irritated.

_Ratopsy…?_

"You got any plans how to move on with your case for now?" he asked.

"We can't hold the suspect longer than 24 hours without filing charges against him. And there's no way in hell the DA goes for that with what we have so far. Not without a confession – or a positive ID. I'm gonna have to talk to Robin Prescott again tomorrow, try to convince her to try to ID him in a line up at the precinct. I'm just not sure if she's willing to do it, she doesn't even remember what happened to her… And how can I make her want to remember?"

Mac gently placed his hand over hers and looked her in the eyes before he spoke.

"Stella, if there is anyone who can convince this girl to do it, it's you."

She sighed deeply and nodded. Maybe he was right.

"Remember what I told you earlier at the lab?" he softly asked.

"Use your head, not your heart," Stella repeated his words.

Mac nodded.

"Right. But when you talk to Robin Prescott tomorrow, let your heart speak."

XXXXX

Later the next afternoon, Mac's gaze followed Stella on her way to the locker rooms. He had just learned that they had to release the suspect in her case because the victim didn't show up for the scheduled line up and he knew that Stella was more than discouraged and frustrated. She had tried everything to convince the victim and now she feared that the rapist would go free because they couldn't nail him with what they had.

She had told him that she wasn't mad at Robin Prescott, but only at the circumstances and he was sure she told him the truth. Yet, he also knew that Stella was suffering because she couldn't do more – and seeing her suffer was something he couldn't stand for a single moment. He had tried to encourage her to have faith in the evidence, but he felt she needed more than that. He wanted to be there for her.

If only she would let him…

When she hadn't returned after almost half an hour, he decided to check on her. See if she was okay, maybe needed someone to talk.

xxxxx

Stella felt cold air touching her body when the shower door opened, but she didn't turn around. She knew it was him. Her eyes were closed, water from the shower head above her was running warmly over her face and body. She tried to relax, let the water wash away the anger and frustration. When his hands touched her shoulders and neck, she didn't move. She didn't question his presence or motives, she didn't care. In this moment, all she could do was realize how good it felt.

With very light, tender touches he started massaging her bottom hairline while his hands softly cupped the sides of her neck. She sighed quietly, her eyes still squeezed shut.

"Mac?"

"You were expecting someone else?" he softly whispered into her ear.

"I wasn't expecting you…"

"If you want me to leave…"

He didn't move, she didn't push him. His warm hands came to rest on her shoulders. His touch asked a question that her entire body longed to answer. She didn't want to talk, she didn't want to think. She knew when she started thinking, it would make things complicated. Things were already complicated enough. Her body had its own mind, it just wanted to melt with him. She slowly leaned backwards to meet him, until…

"You are dressed!"

It was meant to sound surprised, but she quickly realized it might have sounded a little too reproachful. Mac chuckled about her reaction.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disappoint you. I actually just meant to check if everything was okay with you when you didn't come out of the showers for over half an hour. I didn't know I was supposed to do this naked."

"The water is still on…" Stella mumbled slightly embarrassed. "Your clothes are getting totally drenched."

Mac reached around her and turned the water off.

"Better?" he teased her.

She finally turned around to face him, blinking water from her eyes.

"No…" she whispered, slowly starting to unbutton his completely soaked shirt and then continuing with his belt and pants. Stella knew the entire situation was completely irrational, but in this moment, she couldn't care less.

After she had finished her task, he gently reached for her wrists and pulled her to his chest. As he wrapped his arms around her, his lips found the curve of her neck. Her palms rested against his chest. She could feel his heart thudding rapidly against her hands. One arm slid around her waist and pressed her wet body against his and slowly lowered his lips to hers, giving her time to back away if she wanted. But she didn't want to. The intimate contact was a soothing, stimulating rush of pleasure which caused her to gasp in surprise and pleasure.

"Mac, what are we doing?" she asked while she snuggled closer to him.

"Isn't that obvious?"

They looked deeply into each other's eyes. He gently pushed back a lock of hair from her cheek. She leaned closer. His presence tugged something deep inside her – a slow, inevitable pull, a deep need for him. Her arms moved around his neck as his lips carefully caressed the side of her face. He held her tighter as he slid his arm around her waist. The closer he got, the closer she wanted him.

_  
The woman in me  
Needs you to be  
The man in my arms  
To hold tenderly  
_

She didn't want to fight the feelings she couldn't resist any longer. Mac had sneaked through her guard and obviously refused to give up the ground he had gained. Stella didn't mind anymore. It was hard to pretend to be cool and unbreakable all the time, no matter how rough things were. She realized that it did her good just for once being the one to be taken care of, without asking questions about where it would take them.

His warm breath caressed her cheek, his mouth covered hers in another sweet, tender kiss. His lips felt softer than she would have ever imagined. The sweet, hungry pressure made her forget all the worries and frustration she might have had before.

She had never experienced a more perfect kiss. The softness partnered with an amount of passion that he tried to keep under control so it wouldn't scare her. The electricity between them when their lips met was almost visible. As her confidence grew, her tongue inquisitively brushed across his lips. With a groan of pleasure, Mac slowly parted his lips to give her access, the tip of his tongue meeting hers playfully.

'_Cause I'm a woman in love  
And it's you I run to  
Yeah the woman in me  
Needs the man in you_

Stella moved as close to him as she could without losing her balance, her lips eagerly holding the contact with his. He softly moaned into her slightly opened mouth while his hands continued to explore her wet body. She closed her eyes with a sigh of pleasure as he slowly moved his fingers from her shoulders downwards along her sides, cupping her breasts for a short moment before he moved further to her stomach. Finally she pushed him away and held him at arm's length to be able to study and explore his body herself.

"Mac," she whispered hoarsely. "Make love to me… please…"

Without rushing anything, he turned her around, gently took her hands and placed them safely at the wall of the shower, entwining her fingers with his. He protectively covered her back with his body and tenderly started making love to her like he had wanted to for a very long time. He entered her carefully, then slowly withdrew himself again with maddening deliberation. After a few moves, she started to accommodate him easier. All doubts were washed away instantly as she started to feel the rhythm of him inside her when he moved his body to thrust himself deeper. The intensity of the feelings that rushed through her body made her gasp.

"Damn, I'm sorry," he breathed heavily, his face pressed against her left shoulder from behind. He placed a gentle kiss on top of her collarbone. "I'm really sorry," he repeated softly. "I didn't mean to hurt you…"

___When the world wants too much  
And it feels cold and out of touch  
It's a beautiful place  
When you kiss my face  
_

___  
The woman in me  
Needs you to be  
The man in my arms  
To hold tenderly  
_

Stella's heart was beating so hard in her chest that it didn't seem to leave any room for her lungs. She was unable to acknowledge his apology, or comfort him otherwise. She was overwhelmed.

"Stella?"

The concerned and pleading tone in his voice urged her to focus.

"It's okay," she managed to choke out. "Okay… I'm fine, Mac. Please… Don't stop…"

It was slow and sweet, yet very passionate and deep. He started to move inside her again, making sure to take care of her needs until he felt her tightening around him. He waited a little longer until he felt her relax again before he gave in to his own release.

"I… I'm sorry…" he gasped when he found his voice again after several minutes, still holding her tightly in his arms to prevent her from losing her balance in the wet shower.

"Will you stop apologizing?" she softly scolded him.

"You're not mad?" he asked unbelievingly.

"Why would I? It was …" she sighed deeply, her body shivering from the memory. "Amazing. Just … amazing."

"I wasn't too … I don't know. Normally I'm not like this, I can't explain what happened, it felt like I lost control over myself somehow…"

She smiled. Her eyes were full of perfect understanding for what he was feeling.

"It was passionate and emotional," she admitted. "I've never felt anything like this before. It was like… being run over by a herd of buffalos, hum?"

"Buffalos?" he winced. "Ouch. I wasn't that rough, was I?"

"In a good way," she playfully smiled at him.

"What's good about being trampled by buffalos?" he mumbled.

She laughed. The sound vibrated through his body.

"I didn't say 'trampled'. You got nothing to worry about, Mac," she said and placed a light kiss on his lips. "But…"

"But what, Stella?"

"Maybe you should go now – unless you want anyone to see us in here together. And then we really might have a problem, bigger than a stampede…" she nodded towards the door.

He sighed with a smile and reluctantly let his arms drop to let her out of his embrace.

"You're right. I better go now. I'll see you back at the lab in a few minutes. And Stella?"

"Yeah?"

"Have faith in the evidence. We will get this guy!"

He turned to leave her alone, her eyes following him on the way out. He was right. There was no way she would give this up just yet. Stella grabbed her towel, she had a task to finish.

XXXXX

Fifteen minutes later, Stella was back at the lab, working on the evidence in the Prescott case. Danny and Aiden had joined her several moments ago. Stella's hair was still wet from the shower, she hadn't even taken time to dry them. All she wanted to do was find the one thing that would link the suspect to the crime. She didn't even notice that Mac had entered the room and taken a lab coat to help them until she turned around again.

His eyes met hers for a moment. A secret look was shared that nobody could have interpreted as anything but 'Nice that you're here, thanks for your help.' Only the two of them knew what it really was about.

Stella took a quick look at him. He was dressed in suit pants, shirt and perfectly knotted tie, his hair completely dry and accurate as always. She wondered if anyone else noticed his that he was wearing different clothes than earlier. Nothing about him that would indicate what had happened between them only minutes ago. She gave him a short smile.

It wasn't necessary to talk about it or to wonder if it would happen again. She knew why it had happened and it was good. He had been there for her when she had needed him most. Whatever, if anything at all, was to come after this, time would tell.

All of a sudden, Mac asked Danny about his report on traces of sap on the victim's panties. Stella quickly made the connection and checked on the suspect's work pants. After she found trace of the same sap as on the panties, she matched the spots and sighed with a satisfied smile. Robin Prescott would not remain a folder with an unsolved case on her desk…

"Gotcha. Son of a bitch…"

Mac looked over to her. The look in his eyes showed her support, encouragement, happiness and … maybe more.

_'__Cause I'm a woman in love  
And it's you I run to  
Yeah the woman in me  
Needs the man in you  
_

___  
Yeah the woman in me  
Needs the man in you_

Maybe time would tell rather sooner than later…

-

Liked it? After the amount of feedback on the first one, I hope that this meets your expectations somehow… Let me know what you think! Next chapter here will feature "American Dreamers" - it's in progress, I'm planning a Halloween story. Btw, "Members Only" will also be updated soon :-)

xxxlittlesheepxxx


	3. American Dreamers

**Sorry this one took a little longer - I was struggling a bit with it, almost gave up on finishing. Hope you like it now - it's losely attached to the episode, contains a part of the beginning and a short moment from the end, rest is my part. Thanks a bunch to Mitch for checking so quickly so that I could already post today. It's a Halloween story - I know it wasn't end of October in the episode, just pretend it was ;-) **

**- **

**_Chapter 3 – American Dreamers_**

Rating: T  
Genre: Romance, Humor

Features the song _Sad Eyes _by Enrique Iglesias

_-_

**11 a.m.**

She entered the bathroom, let her bathrobe slide to the floor and turned the water off. With a deep sigh, she entered the bathtub and let herself glide into the warm water. Inhaling the relaxing scent of her aromatic foam, she closed her eyes and slowly started to relax.

It had been a long day – no, actually a long night. Day and night. All she wanted to do now was to take a nice relaxing bath and then try to get some sleep – until the calm atmosphere was very ungently interrupted by the ringing of her phone in the corridor.

_NOOO way… Leave a message, I might call back later._

"Stella?"

_Mac…_

She sighed silently.

_Who else?_

"Are you home?"

_No!_

"Stel, if you're there, pick up, please?"

_I don't think so._

"Look, I know you already pulled a double shift and I only told you to go home and get some rest an hour ago, but…"

_Forget it. I'm not going to pick up that phone, Mac…_

"…I wouldn't call you if there was another option. Stella?"

She considered singing or humming to drown the phone out.

_Why didn't I limit the recording time of this stupid answering machine? He's gonna talk until the entire tape is filled – which would be about, uh, 30 minutes…?_

"Aiden has an appointment with the dentist this morning…"

_Lucky her – I have an appointment with my pillow._

"… and Danny almost pulled a triple shift including last night."

_Yeah, right. Like I didn't or what?_

"I know, I know. So did you – but…"

_Right, you think I can handle it better. I'm flattered. And honored. And not at home…_

"So, um… if you're home now or listen to this message when you come back…"

_I would consider going underwater to ignore this, but knowing him, he might talk longer than I can hold my breath…_

"… would you just call me back?"

A pause of several seconds filled the air between the corridor and the bathroom.

_I don't believe this – did he actually hang up or…_

"Stella?! Please…"

… _or what? Damnit. Why can't I just ignore this? Pretend I wasn't home? Claim the answering machine failed to record the message? Say I was so fast asleep for at least 12 hours that I didn't hear anything?_

"Well, I gotta leave now…"

_Oh, good! Maybe there's a chance for a nice bubble bath and some sleep after all…_

"… guess I'll just stop by at your place on the way to the crime scene, just in case you have returned in the meantime."

Another short break was followed by the sound of the answering machine ending the recording.

_Uhhhh…. Or maybe not._

Stella climbed out of the bathtub a few moments later, put on her bathrobe and reluctantly walked to her bedroom. She knew Mac would spot her car in front of the building, so he would know she was home. As she got dressed, she looked longingly at her bed. She wanted sleep. What she didn't want was …

The doorbell rang. He was already there. Stella looked at her bed one last time, then turned around with a sigh.

Showtime.

XXXXX

"How long is this tour?" Stella asked with a light chuckle after they had arrived at the New York tour bus and had started to examine the fully dressed skeleton that was sitting in the back row of the upper deck.

Mac didn't reply.

"This was funny, Mac…?" she explained, eying him with a questioning look.

Still no reaction.

_Hum…_

"Okay, so what have we got here?" she decided to change tactics. Apparently funny wasn't working right now.

XXXXX

Back at the lab, Aiden shook her head with an eye roll when she entered the break room. On the table, there was a skull with sunglasses, cowboy hat and a candle that lit the inside of the arrangement. She looked around to find Danny grinning at her from behind the door.

"Cool, huh?"

"You are so childish… And besides, I would take this out here if I were you."

"Why? It's Halloween, this is fun!" Danny insisted.

Aiden told him what she had just learned from Stella about the case she and Mac had started working on and that Mac's mood seemed to be a bit edgy about the case.

"So maybe this skull would be … inappropriate considering the circumstances?"

"Oops, then we'd better not let Mac see this, otherwise…" Danny joked, standing with his back to the door.

Aiden shot him a look.

"He's standing right behind me, hum?"

She nodded with a grin and quickly slipped out of the room between Mac and the doorframe.

Mac grabbed Danny's neck with thumb and index finger of his right hand, the pressure almost causing Danny to go down on his knees.

"Have you seen Mac?" Stella asked Aiden outside in the corridor.

"In there, torturing Danny," Aiden smirked, looking back over her shoulder.

Stella turned around with a questioning look, then shook her head with a sigh and entered.

"Mac… Mac… Mac. How often did I tell you not to use your Marine skills on innocent civilians?" she patiently while gently taking his right arm, urging him to let go of Danny who quickly ducked and headed out before Mac could change his mind again.

"What's the matter with you?" Stella asked after Danny was gone.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

Stella didn't reply. She knew there was no chance for talking when he blocked like this.

_-_

_Every day here you come walking  
I hold my tongue, I don't do much talking  
You say you're happy and you're doin' fine  
Well go ahead, baby, I got plenty of time  
Sad eyes never lie  
Sad eyes never lie  
_

_-_

XXXXX

When Stella entered the morgue fifteen minutes later, a skeleton swung past her with a rattling noise. She looked around without jumping and sighed deeply.

"Archibald, how often did I tell you that I'm not interested?"

Hawkes laughed aloud when he heard her comment to the skeleton.

"I told him, but he wouldn't listen – he lost his heart to you, Stella…"

"From what he looks like, not only his heart," Stella returned. "What's he doing out here? Eh, why did I ask… Halloween, right?"

Hawkes nodded with a boyish grin. Apparently he considered it a very good joke.

"Better tell Archie to stay away from the door, Mac will be here any minute and he's a bit edgy about Halloween jokes that involve skeletal parts at the moment."

"Why's that?"

Stella explained what he had done with Danny after he found the skull on the break room table.

"Ouch. Alright, Archie – you got a break!" Hawkes ordered and put the illustrative skeleton back into the specimen room.

"You know, we really should do something about this…" he said when he returned.

"About what?" Stella wondered.

"Mac. Halloween. Even Mac should have some fun on Halloween, don't you think?"

"Sure, but not only on Halloween. Got any ideas?"

"Invite him to our Halloween party tonight," Hawkes proposed.

"Yeah, right. You see Mac going to the Halloween party?" Stella raised her brows.

"No," he admitted. "But it's not even a costume party. And if YOU ask him…"

"Then what?" she looked around, suddenly feeling a little uneasy. Then something on a table at the wall to her left caught her attention.

"What the hell happened to _him_??" she asked, her head motioning to a separated head that was placed on an ice pack. The right eye wasn't recognizable as an eyeball anymore; it was a bright red ball, while the other one looked perfectly normal. Apart from that – and from being without its body, the head seemed fully intact.

"Nothing special. Natural COD," Hawkes replied.

Stella looked at the head again and back to him.

"Yeah. I see."

"Seriously. Guy had some infection or so, that caused the eye to fill with blood from inside. Freaky for Halloween, isn't it?"

"Huh."

"I autopsied the body and now I want to examine the eye and the brain to do some research on the kind of infection and its progress. Just took the head off for better handling. But I got something even better. Get over here, have a look at this one…"

She slowly approached him, watching him suspiciously.

"When you come to the morgue and the ME tells you something like 'Get over here, you gotta see this...' - get suspicious. VERY suspicious."

"You've never seen anything like this…"

"I know that there's a first time for everything, but should I ask myself _'Do I really WANT to???'_"

When she got closer, she spotted a disconnected eyeball attached with some ribbon to a box that looked like a gift box with loop.

"Is this a Halloween joke?"

"That's what the person who found the box thought, too. But the eyeball is real, so is the content of the package…"

Stella looked at him suspiciously and then reluctantly opened the box after he nodded. In the box she saw a head, one side crashed, one eye missing, the other hanging out of its socket. She shook her head without a wince.

"I knew it…"

"Doesn't even frown… You're a medical examiners dream, you know that?" Hawkes grinned.

Mac chose that moment to arrive.

"When you're done joking, can we get back to work?" he briefly asked.

Stella gave Hawkes a _told-you-so_ look. He shrugged in return, then started explaining his findings on the skeleton before Mac would get impatient.

When Stella and Mac left the morgue, he nodded at Stella, mouthing _'We'll talk later'_ to her.

XXXXX

"We will never get Mac to join the Halloween party," Stella remarked when they were sitting in the break room later.

After they had arrested the guy who had killed the guy who had ended up as a dressed skeleton on the NY tour bus, Mac disappeared into his office. The others were talking about the annual Halloween party that would take place in the evening. They all agreed it would be nice to have Mac with them, but like Stella nobody really believed he would come. Yet they were willing to give it another try. Only Stella wasn't all too sure it would be good to push him right now. He would make his move when it was time, if he got the feeling of being pushed, he would only back off.

_-_

_Well for awhile I've been watching you steady  
Ain't gonna move 'til you're good and ready  
You show up and then you shy away  
But I know pretty soon you'll be walkin' this way  
Sad eyes never lie  
Sad eyes never lie_

___-_

She walked over to Mac's office where she found him reading the book they had found behind the bus station, where the unidentified skeleton had died, "Bright Lights, Big City". Her face got pensive, he was still thinking about the case and the poor guy who came to New York and died here anonymously.

"You already know how it ends," she softly said as she entered the room.

Mac looked up and briefly smiled.

"Yeah…"

"Anything I can do for you?" she asked, wondering if she should just go for it and ask him to join her for the party.

"No. Thanks, Stella. I got a bunch of paper work waiting for me, why don't you just call it a day and go home? Got any plans for tonight?"

"Some of the others are going to the lab Halloween party, I think I'll just go there for a while. It's always a lot of fun seeing everyone off the clock," she said and turned to leave.

"Have fun…" Mac returned, wondering that she didn't even try to ask him if he would join them. Surely enough she knew he would have said 'no', but normally she would at least ask him.

___Why not this time? And why am I even wondering about it? Could it be that I'm disappointed that she didn't ask? Can I blame her for finally giving up on asking and every time getting a rejection?_

A knock at the door interrupted his pondering.

"Hey Mac, did Stella just ask you if you go to the party with her?" Flack asked after he came in.

"No, we just briefly talked about the case and she asked if she could do something else. I said 'no' and told her she could go home," Mac returned.

Flack raised his right brow.

"She didn't even mention the party?" he wondered.

"She mentioned she was going there when I asked if she had plans for tonight…" Mac vaguely replied.

"But she didn't ask if you would come?"

"No, she didn't. Why do you think she would ask me of all people?"

Flack shook his head with a sigh.

"You know, sometimes I get the feeling you need to read 'A Men's Guide to Understanding Women'… You need to read between the lines when a woman talks to you! I take it you didn't ask her if she would like to go with you either, did you?"

"What?!?"

Flack's question had gotten Mac completely off-guard. Flack noticed immediately that he had obviously hit a soft spot. He shook his head again and pressed his lips together.

"Let me give you some advice…" he slowly started.

Mac looked at him in surprise.

"Come on, I'm not blind. I'm working with the two of you for years. I see how she looks at you when you're not looking, and you are doing just the same. What's the matter with you guys?"

"We're just friends..." Mac weakly objected.

"You really believe that?" Flack looked straight at him. "Go and tell her, Mac! Don't wait until it's too late…"

XXXXX

"You are coming tonight, aren't you?" Aiden asked on her way out of Mac's office a little later after she had handed him her reports for some cases.

"No, I got so much paper work here and …" he started to excuse himself.

Aiden nodded briefly and closed the door behind her.

___That was too easy..._Mac thought to himself.

Only moments later, his thoughts got interrupted again.

"Hey Mac. Not joining the crew tonight?"

"I got too much paper work…"

"Thought so…" Danny shrugged. "If you change your mind or you got enough of the papers, you know where to find us."

Mac nodded and tried to focus on the folders in front of him again, but his thoughts kept drifting off again and again. What was Flack talking about and why were the others asking him without really trying to convince him? Why didn't Stella ask at all? Finally he figured that he wouldn't get much work done here tonight, he could as well go home and take some files with him.

"Hey Mac, just wanted to let you know that the party starts at 8:30 in case you would like to come," Hawkes poked his head through the door and left again before Mac could say anything. He must have noticed that Mac was about to leave the office since he had just closed all files and already had his briefcase on his desk.

Mac's eyes followed Hawkes down the corridor, watching him handling his cell phone.

XXXXX

One hour later at Mac's place – the doorbell rang.

"Stella, I..."

"You think you could get out so easily?" she interrupted him, straight to the point as usual.

She knew that the others had tried to ask Mac to come to the party and after she had gotten the call from Hawkes who had told her that Mac was about to leave the office, she had known he wouldn't come. Not of his own volition… She knew it was difficult for him and that he didn't feel comfortable at such events, yet she was determined to convince him to come. Mainly for his sake, to get him out of his shell again. But lately she got more and more aware that it was not only in Mac's interest. She wanted him to go – and she wanted to be with him. She was sure once they were there, he would learn to enjoy it.

-

___Baby don't you know I don't care  
Don't you know that I've been there  
Well if something in the air feels a little unkind  
Don't worry darling, it'll slip your mind_

_____-_

"I'll give you ten minutes. If you're not ready by then, you go like you are," Stella determinedly stated, her eyes fixated on his.

Mac raised his brows in astonishment and tried ask a question. Stella looked impatiently at her watch.

"I'm serious. It's nine minutes left now…"

He obediently left for his bedroom and reappeared no eight minutes later. His outfit had changed from jogging pants and T-shirt to a not too formal light gray suit with black shirt and dark blue tie.

Stella checked his appearance with a satisfied look. But something seemed to bother her. After a moment she realized what it was. She reached out for his neck, loosened the knot and carefully removed his tie. While straightening his collar, her fingertips lightly brushed along the inside, accidentally or intentionally touching the skin of his neck from back to front.

Mac sharply inhaled and at her touch, his entire body tensed up, not daring to breathe out. But either she wasn't aware of her effect on him or she decided not to show it for the moment.

A while later on the way to the party, Stella looked over to him. He hadn't said a word since she had 'forced' him to come with her.

"What are you thinking?"

"You really wanna know?" he asked.

"No, I just like to hear myself talking…"

XXXXX

When they arrived at the hotel where the party took place, Mac parked the car and got out to hold the door open for her. He was the perfect gentleman but still looked a little bit uncertain and uncomfortable. Stella smiled at him. He definitely was cute when he was like this. She wondered how easily she could fall for him without even thinking about it, knowing that this would never ever cross his mind unless she pushed his nose to it.

-

_____I know you think you'd never be mine  
Well that's okay, baby, I don't mind  
That shy smile's sweet, that's a fact  
Go ahead, I don't mind the act  
Here you come all dressed up for a date  
Well one more step and it'll be too late_

___-_

XXXXX

"Hey, look who's there! And with a date, cute…"

"Shut up, Danny!" Stella quickly warned to avoid causing Mac to regret being here before they had even made it to their table.

With time passing by, she felt Mac relaxing and maybe even enjoying the evening. Throughout dinner they kept talking to the others at their table, mainly members of the CSI team along with some morgue and lab employees. After dinner, the band started playing and Stella was asked for a dance by Flack, later she was dancing with Hawkes when the bandleader announced that the next one would be 'ladies' choice'.

"May I have this dance?" she smiled down at Mac who was still sitting at the table. He looked uncertainly at her, but couldn't reject her. Reluctantly he took her held out hand and let her lead him to the dance floor. As if he had known, the next song was an extremely slow one, forcing them to get really close to each other.

Stella breathed deeply as she felt Mac's hand on the small of her back, his other hand gently holding hers, leading her carefully over the dance floor. She closed her eyes and pressed her cheek against his shoulder, feeling his chin resting against her temple. To her, this dance could have lasted forever.

Eventually the music ended and they stopped dancing. Mac reluctantly let go of Stella, blushing as he noticed that she was eying him observantly. He looked down to the floor, trying to think of something to say.

"Everything alright?" she softly asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just – I wasn't aware of the effect of the music and …" he struggled.

"And what, Mac?"

"You…" he replied almost inaudibly.

"So..." she smiled. "I have an effect on you?"

Before he got a chance to reply, she kissed him. Momentarily forgetting the fact that they were still on the dance floor, surrounded by lots of lab employees and most likely their own colleagues were watching the scene with smirks on their faces, Mac returned the kiss passionately.

He didn't know what had changed her mind about asking him to come with her – but he was glad it had happened.

XXXXX

He murmured unwillingly when she lifted the blanket to look at him. Rolling onto his other side, he was subconsciously searching for the lost warmth. She smiled. He was amazing, well trained but not overly muscular, just perfect. Her right hand reached out to touch his chest, slowly moving lower over his ribs and abdomen. His skin felt warm and soft, the muscles tight, but very comfortable and familiar.

"What time is it?" he asked sleepily, moving closer against her caressing touch.

She looked over to the alarm clock on his nightstand.

"6:30."

_____Shift starts at seven. We're gonna be late._

He gently removed a strand of curls from her cheek and tugged it behind her ear before kissed her. His hand slowly moved along the sides of her naked body, pulling her closer to him as they met behind her back. She started planting kisses across his chest as she pressed herself against him, causing him to moan softly.

"Stella …"

She moved closer and pushed him back into the pillows.

_____More than late…_

**-**

**Happy Halloween everyone!**

**(Can't say what the next chapter will be because I haven't checked the next episode yet - next updated story will most likely be the final chapter to Mission: Possible, then probably Members Only while I'm looking for the next one here.) **

**xxxlittlesheepxxx **_____  
_


	4. Grand Master

**For a while I thought I would skip this episode - just because it doesn't contain one single second of Stella and Mac together. But then I figured that this entire project here is also to fix certain things that were bugging me in episodes - and what can be more bugging than no StellaMac moment at all, right? ;-)**

**I had an inspiration while I was watching the episode and ... well, I hope you like the way it turned out. I used a brief part of the original episode as introduction and then changed the events and maybe order of things so that my idea could fit in.**

**Your turn now - please read and review :-)**

**- **

**Chapter 4 – Grand Master**

-

Rating: T  
Genre: Drama/Romance

Features the song _Don't Leave Me _by Green Day

**Disclaimer**: All the original characters belong to their owners - except for Mac. **Mac belongs to Stella**.

-

"Eh, that can't be sanitary…" Stella whispered slightly disgusted when they entered the dining room at the Fuqua Sushi restaurant for the first time.

Next to her, Danny eyed the half-naked girl on the table with open interest. She was lying on her back, small portions of sushi distributed all over her body from where the exclusively male guests would pick them to eat.

"Who cares about sanitary?" he mumbled with a look like a cat in front of a fish tank.

Stella peered over to him.

"Will you be able to focus?" she asked doubtfully.

"Yeah, yeah. Sure, no problem."

"Hum."

On her way over to the chef at the other side of the table, her eyes briefly met those of the girl on the table. She looked at Stella with narrowed eyes, then turned her face away with a frozen expression. To her, this was just another woman who looked down on her, one who thought she was something better.

XXXXX

"Nothing, absolutely nothing," Stella sighed frustrated after she had picked up the last results from the blowfish tests back at the lab. "I think we need to go back to the restaurant and have a more detailed talk with _'le chef de cuisine'._"

On her way to the garage, she met Mac in the corridor who had just returned from the morgue.

"Hey, Mac," she greeted him. "Why are you grinning like a Cheshire cat? I thought you were at the morgue…?"

"Yeah, right. I'm just still wondering about Hawkes and the 'celebrity' on his table…" he explained.

"Celebrity?" Stella wondered. "Who died?"

"The Grand Master of New York's DJ society as it seems…"

"Um-hum."

"Where are you going?"

"Danny and I need to go back to the sushi restaurant where our victim had her last meal before she died," Stella briefly reported.

"You always get all the fun…" Mac feigned a complaint.

"Yeah, like I'm the one who assigns the cases," she returned with a smile. "What are your plans for the day?"

"Just a lot of paper work," he replied, holding up a plastic bag full of paper shreds.

"Oh, joy," Stella admitted. "Well, if you are a good boy and manage to put the puzzle together successfully by the end of our shift, I'll take you to a restaurant of your choice after work. How about that?"

Mac slightly tilted his head with a pensive look.

"Sounds good," he nodded. "Take care of yourself."

"Always do," Stella smiled and headed to the elevator to finally get to Danny who was certainly waiting for her downstairs.

XXXXX

After another talk about the detailed events of the last meal of Deborah Gayle with the chef and restaurant owner, Stella and Danny were on their way out of the sushi restaurant again. Since the owner had asked them not to use the front door to avoid people wondering why the police were at the location, they walked through a narrow corridor towards the backdoor.

Stella's gaze fell on a table at the wall to their left. There were several make-up items and other stuff on it. Stella patted on Danny's left shoulder and nodded towards the table.

"We didn't test the red color chip that Hawkes extracted from the victim's mouth yet," she remarked as she held up a small bottle of nail polish.

"Yeah, but the victim didn't wear any polish on her nails when she died," Danny objected.

"Hum…" Stella mumbled while she put the bottle back on the table and looked for a handkerchief in her pockets to wipe off her hands from the sticky residue from the bottle's exterior.

"Get your hands off of that stuff!!!" a hysteric voice behind them suddenly screamed.

Stella and Danny turned around in surprise. The girl from the sushi table headed past them and grabbed for the stuff from the table to put it into the pockets of her kimono.

"That is private, you have no right to snoop around here without a warrant!" she exclaimed upset.

"Alright, alright," Danny moved his hands up and down in an appeasing gesture. "No need to freak out, we were on our way out anyway. Come on Stel, let's get back to the lab."

XXXXX

When they reached the car outside of the restaurant, Stella rummaged for the keys in her pockets and held them out to Danny.

"Here, can you drive back? I'm not really feeling that good…" she mumbled.

Danny gave her a concerned look. Did she look a little pale?

"Eat something wrong?"

"Don't know, actually I didn't really eat anything but a yogurt this morning and that's already some hours ago," Stella replied.

XXXXX

Back at the lab, Danny took Stella to Mac's office.

"He's gonna be in the evidence room," Stella weakly said. "He wanted to work on some paper shreds from the DJ murder case and…"

"Sh-sh, okay, I'll go and look for him. You go and lie down here on the couch, we'll be back in a moment," Danny replied and headed out to look for Mac. Now he was really worried about her.

A few minutes later, Mac stormed into his office, followed by Danny who could hardly keep step with him.

"Stella, Danny told me you weren't feeling…" Mac stopped instantly when he saw Stella lying on the couch in his office.

"Stella!!!"

He headed over and kneeled down next to her.

"Stella!? Can you hear me??" he gently touched her shoulder, but didn't get any reaction.

After checking the pulse at her left wrist, he suddenly turned very pale.

"Danny – call 911, I got no pulse!"

Danny's eyes widened in shock while Mac quickly but very carefully placed Stella on the floor next to the couch and started to perform CPR. After he applied pressure on her thorax six times, he checked her pulse again. Then he gently moved her head and pressed his mouth on hers for mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, followed by another round of CPR. After several attempts, checking her wrist each time, he finally leaned back and breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

"Thank God, I got a weak pulse!" he exclaimed.

"Mac, bus is gonna be here in a few minutes," Danny announced. "I'll wait at the elevator to show them the way!"

Mac nodded in silence while he held Stella's head with his left arm and her right hand in the other one.

"Don't leave me alone, please…" he whispered quietly, his eyes almost closed. He felt numb, the lump in his throat made it nearly impossible to breathe or swallow. He felt nauseous and close to tears. All he knew for sure was that he wouldn't be able to handle another loss of someone he cared for as much as he did for her…

-

_I'll go for miles  
Till I find you  
You say you want to leave me  
But you can't choose_

_  
I've gone thru pain  
Every day and night  
I feel my mind is going insane  
Something I can't fight  
_

_  
Don't leave me  
Don't leave me  
_

_-  
_

XXXXX

"Detective Taylor?" a grey-haired man in a white coat asked after looking around when he exited Stella's room.

Mac got up and approached him.

"I'm Dr. Townsend, I'm taking care of Miss Bonasera," the doctor greeted him while shaking his hand.

"How is she?" Mac asked anxiously.

Dr. Townsend gave him an investigative look, then figured that he could be straight with Mac.

"To be honest, we don't know. I couldn't find any physical injury, no trauma or anything that would explain the comatose state she's in at the moment. The vital signs are extremely weak, yet the heart and lungs are working without support. We are only giving her oxygen to improve the blood oxygen level which is too low because of the slow breathing. Apart from that, there is no apparent reason why she doesn't wake up. Of course we are testing her blood, but as you will know, it will take some time to get the results and…"

"Is it critical?" Mac asked in a low voice. His stomach tightened as he fearfully waited for the answer.

"Not at the moment," Dr. Townsend replied calmly. "But if we don't find out soon what we are dealing with and if the blood pressure and breathing rate continue to go down, we will have serious problems."

"Thank you for being honest, doctor," Mac nodded and looked over to Stella's room. "Can I…?"

"Of course. I'll let you know as soon as we have any results."

Mac nodded again and slowly walked over to the door. With one hand on the handle, he took a deep breath and then quietly entered. A mixture of shock and desperation overcame him when he saw Stella lying on the bed. A small tube for oxygen supply surrounded her face and entered her nostrils. Her eyes where closed as if she was just peacefully sleeping. She looked so pale and fragile… He took a chair and placed it next to the bed, then he carefully took her left hand into his and stroked it gently.

"Hey Stella, it's Mac…" he started, then interrupted to swallow the tears that wanted to come.

After a moment, he had regained his composure and continued talking in a low, comforting voice to her. He didn't notice for how long he was sitting there, telling her everything that came to his mind, while outside heavy rain was drumming against the window.

He didn't know whether or not she could hear him. It didn't matter.

-

_A blank expression  
Covering your face  
I'm looking for directions  
For out of this place_

_  
I start to wonder  
If you'll come back  
I feel the rain storming after thunder  
I can't hold back  
_

_  
Don't leave me_

-

XXXXX

"Excuse me, Sir, I must ask you to leave now," a voice from the door pulled Mac out of his thoughts. He looked up and spotted a nurse watching him with a critical look. "Visiting time is over and the patient needs to rest," she dutifully added.

"The 'patient' is unconscious and it can hardly be any stress for her if I just sit here," Mac returned harsher than he wanted to. "There is _no_ way I'm gonna leave her alone now."

He was at least as determined as the nurse in persisting in his viewpoint. She shot another sharp stare at him and exhaled audibly. Apparently she wasn't used to people questioning her authority. She turned to leave.

"Fine. I'm gonna let Dr. Townsend know about this," she snapped on her way out.

Moments later, the silence in the room was again interrupted by a knock at the door. Mac sighed, the last thing he needed now was another confrontation with the watchdog in white.

He carefully put Stella's hand back on the bed next to her and got up to open the door.

"Danny…" he said quietly.

"How's she doin'?" Danny asked, his look going past Mac into the room.

Mac shrugged.

"They don't know what's wrong with her. And as long as they don't know that, they can't do anything to help her and if they don't find out soon…"

He stopped. Neither could he voice the end of the thought nor did he want to. Danny patted his arm sympathetically. Then his cell phone rang. Mac gave him a reproachful look, after all cell phones weren't allowed to be used in hospitals. Danny shrugged apologetically.

"It's Hawkes," he explained. "Maybe he has news for us. … Hawkes? … Yeah, I'm at the hospital with Mac at the moment, what'd ya got? … WHAT? But how… Never mind, THANKS!" he called and hung up without saying goodbye. Then he turned to Mac excitedly.

"Blowfish poison!" he blurted out.

"What?" Mac was confused.

"Trace of color that Hawkes found in Deborah Gayle's mouth was nail polish. Nail polish that contained blowfish poison. That's how the victim ingested it. Not by food. And it wasn't hers since she wasn't wearing any nail polish when she died. Stella found a bottle of nail polish of the same color when we were at the restaurant earlier, must have been some polish on the outside that was still wet, I saw her wipe of her hands after handling the bottle. So maybe she got… uh, Mac?"

Mac didn't wait until he finished, he ran off in search for Dr. Townsend.

XXXXX

"Your findings might have saved her life, the poison entered her bloodstream through a minor cut at her right ring finger that she might not even have noticed," Dr. Townsend said to Mac after he gave Stella an injection with a remedy to eliminate the blowfish poison in her blood.

"Tetrodotoxin from one single fish can kill 30 people if they are not treated in time. It's lethal for 60 of the people who ingest it. It causes advancing paralysis, eventually leading to heart and lung failure. The patient is usually aware of what happens around him, but unable to move or act in any way," he explained.

"Is there a risk of permanent damage?" Mac asked.

"Not if the patient is treated within less than 24 hours. In that case full recovery can be expected very quickly."

Mac sighed in relief. All the fear and tension that held him in a tight grip for the last couple of hours seemed to leave his body in a long, extended breath.

Dr. Townsend smiled understandingly.

"Thank you, doctor," Mac mumbled quietly.

"You can stay with her, let me know when she wakes up," the doctor said while shaking his hand. With that, he left Mac alone with his thoughts and with Stella who, to Mac, already looked a lot better, even though she was still unconscious. Her breathing rate had improved and her pulse had gotten stronger, a little color had returned to her cheeks even though they still resembled the white of the sheets more than human skin.

"It's gonna be alright," he whispered and placed a light kiss on her forehead before he sat down on the chair next to her bed again.

XXXXX

"Mac?" a weak voice woke him from a light slumber.

"Stella! Thank God. Hey you…" he smiled softly. "How are you doing?"

"My throat is dry… Could you get me some water?"

"Sure, I'll be right back!" Mac quickly jumped up and headed for the door, overly enthusiastic about having her back.

"Oh, and Mac?" Stella asked when he was almost out of the room.

"Anything else I can do for you?" he asked from the door.

"You should apologize to the nurse, she was just doing her job," Stella winked at him.

Mac turned around with a puzzled look on his face and slowly closed the door behind him. Outside in the corridor he stopped for a moment.

How could she possibly know…?

Then it suddenly hit him. What had Dr. Townsend explained about the effect of the poison? The patient was paralyzed and unable to communicate, but usually aware of what happened around him? Was it possible that Stella heard – and now remembered – _everything_ he had said to her?

XXXXX

"WHAT do you think where you are going?!?"

Stella spun around. She was standing at the reception desk, impatiently waiting for the nurse to prepare her release papers. She didn't like hospitals and even though Mac had told her to stay overnight, she wanted to get out. After all, she hadn't really promised him to stay. Just said she would think about it. And think about it she did. At least for the 15 minutes it took her to get dressed and walk down to the reception after he had left.

But what was Mac doing here shortly after she had told the nurse she wanted to leave at her own request?

_Of course…_

She gave the nurse a suspicious look. The nurse shrugged at her and left to check on a patient in a nearby examination room.

"Are you supervising me or what?" Stella asked after turning around to Mac.

"No. I've given up on that about 10 years ago," he replied.

"I only joined the CSI about 10 years ago…" Stella wondered.

Mac gave her a '_what's-your-point'_ look.

"You need to rest!" he firmly stated.

"I can do that at home," Stella stubbornly insisted.

Mac shook his head. There was no point in arguing about this. He wouldn't convince her to stay at the hospital if she didn't want to.

"You got plans for tonight?" he decided to change tactics.

"Just going home," she returned.

"You will have to eat something."

"Eventually…"

"If you're too exhausted, we could forget about dinner and just relax," he said in a low voice.

_We?_

XXXXX

"Why don't you go and take a nice relaxing shower and I'm gonna prepare something to eat for you in the meantime?" Mac asked after he had taken Stella to her place in his car.

She nodded obediently and shuffled over to the bedroom to undress.

When she didn't return after more than 20 minutes, Mac started to wonder and went over to check if everything was okay. He shook his head with a smile after opening the bedroom door. Stella was lying on the bed, still fully dressed and sleeping soundly. He carefully pulled the comforter from underneath her legs and gently covered her with it.

"Don't leave me…" she mumbled sleepily when he wanted to sneak out of the room again.

The words she used caused his stomach to flip. No ten hours ago, he had used the same words when he had found her in his office without a pulse. He took his shoes off and stretched out on the bed next to her. Stella instinctively snuggled up against his side without really waking up. Lost in thoughts, Mac played with her curls as she was sleeping at his side.

XXXXX

Mac woke up the next morning, Stella peacefully sleeping at his side. Her head was trustingly resting on his chest, her left arm wrapped around his chest. She seemed so fragile and vulnerable, as if she might dissolve into a puff of smoke if he did the wrong thing now._Vulnerable._ The word circled his mind as she stretched next to him and watched him sleepily. Vulnerable implied risk and responsibility. He was willing to take both.

Stella looked into his eyes for a moment as if she tried to read his mind. Without a word, she leant over him and lowered her mouth on his. Her tongue brushed against his lips and he opened them for her with a sigh. She gasped into his mouth when he pulled her closer to him. Her hands grabbed for his shirt, a flush of arousal coloring her cheeks.

Mac had been right with what he had told her at the hospital when he had thought she was unconscious and couldn't hear him. Something _had_ grown between them in the course of time…

… and it _had_ become too much to ignore.

-

**Sorry it took so long once again - these chapter stories can be a real challenge sometimes. I'm looking forward to the next one ;-) I hope you liked this one, let me know what you think, please?**

**xxxlittlesheepxxx **


	5. A Man A Mile

**Since there are no new episodes at the moment, how about a new chapter about an "older" episode? Yeah? Okay :-) Little author's note on this one: It's been a bit difficult to find a connection since the episode did give a little less than nothing for a SMacked story - I just had this tunnel idea before and didn't know what to do with it on its own, so it went here. Hope you like it!**

**I really, really recommend listening to the song if you don't know it - it's extremely emotional, very soft and sweet (the kind that gets your eyes teared up after the first two lines!). Keep that mood when you read - this is the atmosphere we want here ;-)**

**- **

**_Chapter 5 – A Man A Mile_**

Rating: T  
Genre: Drama/Angst with a touch of romance

Features the song _Hero_ by Enrique Iglesias

**Disclaimer**: All the original characters belong to their owners - except for Mac. **Mac belongs to Stella**.

_-_

_Let me be your hero…_

_Would you dance - if I asked you to dance?  
Would you run - and never look back?  
Would you cry - if you saw me cry?  
And would you save my soul tonight?  
_

_  
-_

"Stella, where the hell are you? I've been trying to reach you for over an hour! We have a DOA on the subway tracks. Why didn't you return any of my calls until now? What were you thinking? Everyone else is on a case and we have another tunnel crash out here where the body was reported and…"

Mac yelled into his cell phone to drown out the noise around him. Besides that, the reception didn't seem to be all that good.

"Where are you right now?" Stella tried to ask back as calmly as she could.

"Where am I? I'm at the scene and—"

"At the platform near the crashed tunnel?" she continued.

"Yeah, why?" he started wondering.

"Well, I don't really know how to tell you this but – I'm actually sort of on the other side of…"

Mac's blood froze.

_Oh my God…_

"Are you okay??"

"Yeah, I'm fine, Mac. Don't worry about me. OUCH! Damnit, can't you be more careful?"

Mac could hear another voice coming from somewhere near her, but he couldn't make out the words the other person was saying.

"Is somebody hurting you?" he asked worriedly.

"No, just a good Samaritan who is trying to bandage my wrist, it's most likely strained."

"I told you it's broken!" the voice from her side clarified to her. "And I'm no Samaritan, I'm a paramedic."

Mac breathed a sigh of relief.

"Ouch, just don't make it worse, will you?" Stella complained, followed by a return comment that Mac didn't understand. Then he heard another muffled cry of pain, this time from the voice near Stella.

"One more comment like that and I'm gonna kick you somewhere where it really hurts…" Mac heard her warning her helper.

He grimaced, secretly feeling sorry for the poor guy. He knew Stella could be a little complicated, but in a situation like this – trapped, hurt… - even more.

"Stel?" he carefully tried to get her attention.

"What?!?"

The tension was almost tangible.

"I'll try to get in there as soon as I can," Mac told her to calm her down. "How many people are in there, can you tell me anything about victims, injuries, deaths, anything?"

"It's just me and the dead body. Nothing St. Camillus here can't cope with, I assume."

"You're welcome," the male voice snapped back.

"Stel?"

"What else?" she grumbled, impatience evident from the sound of her voice.

"Don't eat him alive while I try to get to you and--"

_Click._

XXXXX

"Stella?!" Mac called after the rescue team had finally managed to get a small gap into the heap of rubble that blocked the tunnel.

"Over here!" Stella replied from about 20 meters into the tunnel.

_Thank God… _Mac mumbled to himself as he carefully made his way over to her. Against the advice of the rescue unit, he had insisted in going in on his own and alone. Primarily not to risk more lives than necessary. After all there was a possible crime scene down here. Or two - if the body and the collapse were to be considered as unconnected events.

Stella smiled with relief as he got to her.

"Hey," she welcomed him.

"Hey yourself," he smiled back. "Can't even make it to work without a little action, hum?"

"You know me…"

"Right. And you must be St. Camillus?" Mac looked at the guy standing a few feet away from her.

"Parker Hensley," the guy offered his hand.

"Mac Taylor," Mac replied while he shook the hand. "Okay, this is how we proceed now. You two guys will slowly make your way back to the exit and get out of here while I will try to save as much as I can from the location around the body and—"

"Forget it!" Stella interrupted him determinedly.

"Excuse me?" he stopped his orders.

"You are not coming in here sending me out like a little kid. I'm gonna stay with you, after all I was the first on the scene," she insisted.

"What about your wrist?" he made a last attempt to convince her to go.

"I can still do my job," Stella replied, the sound of her voice leaving no doubt that she didn't have the slightest intention to do him the favor.

Mac sighed inwardly. He wouldn't go into an argument with her given the circumstances they were facing. He turned to Hensley.

"Would you at least be so kind as to save yourself, please?"

"Nothing I'd rather do," Hensley returned with a wink.

Stella grimaced at him before he left.

"Okay, what happened before and after you got in here?" Mac focused back on the facts.

"Well, I was on the platform, waiting for my train to come when suddenly someone jumped out of a train on the other side and called there was a body or something like that on the tracks. So I flashed my badge, called to no one in particular to call 911 and headed for the tunnel entrance. Then this guy Hensley started following me, said he was be a paramedic and that maybe he could be of help. He told someone to run upstairs and inform the supervisor to stop the train traffic and shut off the power on the tracks and then we went in. We noticed sand and small stones crumbling from the walls and ceilings when we got closer and just when we spotted the body behind that curve over there," she motioned further into the tunnel, "there was a big crash and everything went black."

"Was there an explosion or anything you noticed that could have initiated the collapse?" Mac asked.

"No explosion. I noticed a train somewhere close to us passing by moments earlier, maybe in a tunnel crossing this one a bit higher, but apart from that… nothing. I think the explosions from the construction works at the near Water Tunnel No. 3 might have caused a damage in the substructure of the old subway tunnel and due to the permanent train traffic…"

"Possible. Okay, let's check out the body quickly, take some pictures and collect possible evidence and then let's see that we get out of here. It's anything else but safe and I don't really want to wait until more of the tunnel collapses. Let's just hope they followed the advice of Hensley and stopped the train traffic around here…"

"It's right over here," Stella nodded and started to walk towards the corner where she and Hensley had spotted the body earlier.

They had nearly gotten to the body when Mac heard a grumbling noise getting closer. Stella gave him an anxious look, but before she could say anything, they both felt a rumble. The walls, ground and ceiling around them started to tremble. More sand and debris came down. Mac didn't hesitate a second when he realized what was going to happen and immediately pushed her forward to protect her as the tunnel collapsed over them.

XXXXX

Stella could feel herself coughing as the dust started settling down. Mac was still lying half on top of her, but he wasn't moving at all. She coughed again to clear her airways, then she rubbed her eyes to get the dirt out of her face. Carefully she tested her hands, arms and legs, but apart from her wrist which had been hurt during the first crash already, everything seemed to be alright. She tried to turn around and slip out from under his body.

"Mac?" she asked concerned. "Mac! Are you alright??"

Then she saw that a large rock was lying on his chest. He must have gotten hit by it after he had pushed her aside. She kneeled down at his side and helplessly stroked his cheek. A single tear rolled down from her left eye, then she felt for his pulse at the side of his neck. Weak, but regular. She breathed in relief. Then she touched his cheek again.

-

_Would you tremble - if I touched your lips?  
Would you laugh? Oh please tell me this  
Now would you die for the one you loved?  
Hold me in your arms tonight  
_

_-_

"Mac, please, Mac… Wake up!"

A crackling sound caught her attention. After a little fumbling, she managed to get Mac's radio which he had fixed at his belt and which apparently had survived the collapse without being destroyed. She turned a few buttons and pressed the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Thank God, are you okay in there? We heard the crash and then nothing…" a male voice on the other side replied.

"Who is there?" Stella returned with a slightly trembling voice.

"Lieutenant Starks, Rescue Unit," the voice replied calmly.

"I'm okay I think, but my partner has been hurt. I think a rock hit his chest and he lost consciousness and…" she stopped when her voice started to fail. Then she heard voices talking on the other end of the line before a new voice took over.

"What's your name?" a deep, friendly voice asked her softly.

"Stella Bonasera, who are you?"

"I'm Dr. Akron, you can call me Marvin," he returned. "I'm the emergency doc on call here. Don't worry, Stella. We'll get you two out of there and until then, I'll talk you through it, okay? Are you with me?"

"Yeah, yeah I am," Stella replied, her optimism slowly coming back from the effect of that soothing voice.

"Alright," Marvin encouraged her. "Can you try to carefully move the rock without hurting your partner?"

Stella put the radio down and tried to move the rock but it wouldn't even go for as much as a millimeter. She gave up in a mixture of frustration and desperation.

"I can't…" she almost whined into the radio. "It's way too heavy and I hurt my wrist before, so I can't even use both my hands… And I'm afraid to hurt him even more. What if his spine got hurt or his ribs broken or his…"

"Easy, Stella. Just relax, okay? I know this is difficult, but I need you to remain calm in there," Marvin tried to make her feel better. "See if you can find anything you can use as a lever. Then try if you can use that to lift the rock enough to put some smaller one under it to stabilize it when you let go so that you can attempt to pull your partner out underneath it. Only a few inches, you think you can do that?"

"I can try…" Stella doubtfully returned. She didn't seriously believe she would be able to do what Marvin had asked her to try, but for Mac's sake she had to try. Who knew how long it would take them to get them out? It could be too late for him if she didn't at least do everything she could.

XXXXX

"Okay, that's great," Marvin spoke into the radio after Stella had told him that she had managed to get the rock off of Mac's chest. "Now you'll have to try to wake him. We need to check how he's doing and the easiest way is if we can ask him where it hurts, alright?"

"I'll try," Stella replied and put the radio on the floor next to Mac.

"Mac? Mac, can you hear me? Please, Mac… Say something!" she softly whispered close to his ear while she gently touched his face with her left hand, holding his right on in hers. Then she suddenly noticed that he started moving.

"Stella? What happened?" he groaned with pain.

"You tried to stop the tunnel ceiling from falling onto me with your chest…" she explained, relieved that he had regained consciousness.

Mac breathed heavily and his eyes showed a mixture of pain and concern.

"Is everything alright?" he asked.

"Yes, it is," Stella returned in the calmest voice possible.

She knew it was a lie. Things were anything else but alright. But this was not the moment to bother him with her own worries. She grabbed for his right hand again and held it tightly to cover the tremors in her entire body and waited. She couldn't and didn't want to show him what she was really thinking.

-

_I can be your hero, baby  
I can kiss away the pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away_

___-_

"Can you help me to sit up a little, I can't breathe…" Mac whispered, interrupted by weak attempts to cough.

Stella hurried to take off her coat and put it behind his head so that he could breathe a little easier. Mac started coughing again and she almost panicked when she noticed that he had started coughing up a small amount of blood.

"Please get us out here quickly," she sobbed into the radio set. "He's coughing blood, I don't know if his lungs might have gotten hurt by fractured ribs or something else…"

"The rescue team is working on it, Stella," Marvin told her. "We need to use explosives to get the entrance free, there is no other chance. Anything else will just take too long. I need you to make sure that you are not facing in our direction when we detonate."

"They will get us out here soon," Stella explained to Mac after she had ended the conversation. "They are going to blast open the entrance so that they can get in faster. It's gonna be okay, you'll be fine. Just hang in there, okay?"

Several minutes later, the radio crackled again.

"Marvin?" Stella replied full of expectation.

"Are you ready?"

"We are," she returned.

"Good, then try to cover yourselves as good as possible. The explosion shouldn't reach you or have any effect in your part of the tunnel, but we want to be safe. We'll detonate in two minutes from now, that will give you enough time. See you out here, I'm looking forward to meeting you in person!"

"So am I!" Stella replied with relief.

"It's time, can you try to roll onto your side, away from the entrance?" she asked Mac.

He grimaced in pain when she helped him to move, but managed to get into a curled position. Stella crawled up behind him and covered his head with her body. Suddenly he looked up in alarm.

"What's wrong?" she asked him.

"You smell that?"

"Smell what?" she sniffed around. "Oh my God! GAS!" she exclaimed. Then she hastily reached for the radio.

"Marvin!!!" she yelled into the speaker. "You have to stop the detonation! We have a gas leak down here! You're gonna blow us all up if you ignite the explosives now!"

"EVERYONE STOP!" she heard Marvin call to whoever else was out there. Then she heard a heated discussion on the other side before he returned to the radio.

"That was literally within split seconds…" he breathed. "Listen, that means you'll have to keep up for some more time. We'll have to call the gas works to turn the gas off in this area, we'll have to stop all train traffic within a two mile radius to avoid further commotions and we need to stop the entire traffic on the roads. I suppose the second crash caused a nearby gas pipeline to crack and the leak let some gas get into the tunnel system. It's not going to stop us from getting you out there, it's only slowing us down a little. You gonna be okay?"

"We will, just be careful," Stella answered. "And hurry…" she added quietly.

"We will," Marvin promised her. "You're doing great there."

XXXXX

___At the hospital_

Mac had returned from various tests and evaluations. X-rays had shown that only some ribs were fractured, the blood he had been coughing up had come from a bitten tongue. Both injuries would hurt for a while, but would heal without leaving permanent damage. Stella was sitting next to his bed, her right wrist in a plaster cast. Mac had been quiet for a long time. So quiet and for so long that she got worried.

"Mac?" she asked softly.

She was sitting in a visitor's armchair, her knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them. She couldn't see his face since he was facing the wall on the other side, but she could see that his shoulders were shaking. She got up and carefully sat down on the mattress next to him.

"Mac," she whispered. "Look at me, please…"

He only turned further away from her.

Stella gently moved her left hand up his left arm to his shoulder to make her look at him.

"It's going to be okay," she soothed him, gently stroking over his hair as she leaned over him. When her hand moved from his head to his face, she suddenly realized that he was crying.

"Mac, what's wrong?"

He was thankful for the semi-darkness in the hospital room that masked the faint blush on his cheeks. It wasn't like him to cry, especially not in front of her. He knew that if he told her honestly what was going through his mind right now, she might leave and walk out of his life. Maybe forever. He wouldn't risk that. Ever.

"You wouldn't understand," he therefore replied briefly.

"Try me."

_-_

___Would you swear - that you'll always be mine?  
Or would you lie? Would you run and hide?  
Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind?  
I don't care... You're here tonight  
_

___-_

He was lying there, lips pressed together to a small line, wanting to squeeze his eyes shut. Maybe if he didn't look at her she would just give in and let it go. There was silence for a moment, then Stella talked again when she noticed he wouldn't.

"Mac," she whispered. "Do you ever use your brain for drawing conclusions from anything else but evidence?"

She had a specific assumption of what was bothering him and she hoped she was right. She just had to give it a try because she knew ___he_might never bring up the courage to ask her. Maybe if ___she_gave him the answer to his unspoken question…

"I could easily fall in love with you, if you would just let me."

She paused when he finally opened his eyes to look at her.

"Maybe I already have…" she added quietly.

_-_

___I can be your hero, baby  
I can kiss away the pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away  
I can be your hero_

___-_

**Liked it?**

**Next will be "Outside Man", got a vague idea for that one already. Working on update for "As Time Goes By" plus "Members" will also be updated soon :-) Thanks for all your support as always - you guys are great! xxxlittlesheepxxx**

___  
_


	6. Outside Man

**I'm BACK :-) Sorry for the everlasting delay... I feel really guilty! I was very busy with lots of things. And then recently I was in London for a few days, visiting a friend - and hey! I even was in Scotland (Glasgow) for a day, seeing other sheep #LOL#**

**And I have to tell you something - I almost met Gary! He was on tour with the Lt. Dan Band and they had some dates in Germany (playing at US military bases, usually only access for military of course). Now, I was in contact with the guy who organizes the dates and then one day I got a mail starting "Can you come to the show tonight?" giving me a time, place and a name with phone number. Only problem - it was seven hours before the show started and it was impossible for me to make it in that time (other end of the country). #ARGH!!# Can you picture me, sitting at work, thinking the entire day 'I could be on the way to see Gary tonight!'??  
**

**But... I almost recovered from it and hope they come back here next year :-) And for now - it's writing and posting time again. Hope you enjoy! (Sorry about the formatting of the song lyrics, system doesn't let me put them in correctly...)**

* * *

_Chapter 6 - Outside Man_

Summary: It's all about having someone that makes you feel whole.

Rating: T

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance

Featuring the song _All About Soul_ by Billy Joel (strongly recommend to listen to it - it's GREAT!)

XXXXX

_She waits for me at night, she waits for me in silence_

_She gives me all her tenderness_

_And takes away my pain_

_And so far she hasn't run_

_Though I swear she's had her moments  
She still believes in miracles_

_While others cry in vain_

* * *

I wasn't sure if it was just my imagination or since when I had this feeling, but somehow things seemed to be different between Stella and me for some time now. More than ever she seemed to be there for me without making it too obvious. She stayed at the lab when I worked longer, just to be there in case I needed something – or someone. She never said a word, but I know she did it for me. Even though I have no idea why she didn't just give up on me in all these years, she still stayed and tried to support me in every way she could and to cheer me up as much as possible.

This morning when we returned to the lab after we had recovered a severed lower leg in an alley, I went to the morgue to talk to Hawkes while Stella started to work on evidence we had collected at the scene. When I came back upstairs, I saw her working through the windows to the corridor side of the lab room. Her face pensive, eyes focused on whatever she was working on. Those eyes… Too green and too shiny for her own good. Or mine. When she noticed me, she pointed at the door and waved me in, a smile spreading across her face. I couldn't help but smile back.

Maybe she wasn't that bad for me after all?

* * *

___It's all about soul  
It's all about faith and a deeper devotion  
It's all about soul  
'Cause under the love is a stronger emotion_

___She's got to be strong  
'Cause so many things getting out of control  
Should drive her away  
So why does she stay?  
It's all about soul  
_

_XXXXX_

And then after some more investigation, we found them. The 'other 85 percent' as Stella had named them when we found the leg. Very quickly it turned out that the amputation and all the prior injuries had been self-inflicted and voluntarily done. I couldn't believe what would make someone tick this way, especially not after Stella had told me that the victim in our case had a wife who had loved him. He had had a family, he had had a intact life. And he had been healthy. Why would anyone destroy that for no reason?

I felt her touch on my right shoulder, the motion languid.

"What's wrong?" she softly asked, placing a light kiss on my cheek. "What are you thinking?"

"Nothing," I returned harsher than I intended to, more surprised by her kissing my cheek than by the question itself.

"Would that be an 'I don't want to tell you _'Nothing'_' or a 'Please keep asking until I do' one?" she asked, ignoring my tone.

"The human brain comes without a manual and most people use it the wrong way – they try to keep it fresh for a long time by using it as little as possible. And cases like this are the result," I said with a frustrated look at the pictures on the table in front of us.

* * *

___She turns to me sometimes_

___And asks me what I'm dreaming  
And I realize I must have gone_

___A million miles away_

___And I ask her how she knew_

___To reach out for me that moment  
And she smiles because it's understood_

___There are no words to say_

* * *

"You know, when I talked to Herzberg's wife earlier, she told me about the marriage of her parents," Stella started to tell me. "She told me that they had been married for a very long time and that each of them said about the other one, he/she made them feel whole. This was what she was hoping for her own marriage, too. And then she discovered that her husband had this problem. It must have been a shock."

I nodded quietly. Her words made me think more than she might have realized, even though in a different way than she might have expected. I realized how lonely I had been all those years. Her hand touched my shoulder again, slightly brushed along my cheek when she said she would take a short break. Then she left the room. My heart did a little somersault and started beating so hard I could feel the pulse up in my throat.

No, this couldn't be. There was nothing, I was sure I was just imagining it. She was just trying to be nice and supportive – and I didn't want pity. Especially not from her. For the rest of the day, I pretended to be busy with paper work, more to avoid another moment of being alone with her. I didn't trust myself anymore.

* * *

_____It's all about soul  
It's all about knowing what someone is feeling  
The woman's got soul  
The power of love and the power of healing_

_____  
This life isn't fair  
It's gonna get dark, it's gonna get cold  
You've got to be tough, but that ain't enough  
It's all about soul  
_

_____There are people who have lost_

_____Every trace of human kindness  
There are many who have fallen_

_____There are some who still survive_

XXXXX

Now it is almost 9 p.m. and I must have been staring at the TV for hours without knowing what program is on. The sound of my cell phone interrupts my wandering thoughts. Thankfully, it's just a text message. No need to pretend or to cover my current state of mind. I take a look at the display to read the message, then a sigh comes over my lips. Worse than a call…

_____Hey Mac, you home?_

It's Stella. I wonder for a moment if I should just ignore the message and let that be the answer, but I can't lie to her. Not even in such a simple thing. Besides, she might never believe that I'm already sleeping at this time. She knows me way too well. So what? I decide to answer after all.

_____Yes, I am._ I type in and hit 'send'. Then I wait.

Seconds later, my phone announces another text message. Why doesn't she just call if she wants something? I open the message and my stomach ties in a little knot.

_____You gonna let me in??_

Damnit. I'm not really in the mood, or shape, to see her right now. But now she knows I'm home and she's in front of my door… My brain tries to find a solution, but doesn't really work properly.

_____Took a shower, be there in a minute._

I head to the bathroom and look into the mirror. My shirt is all crumpled; my eyes look reddened from staring at the TV and… She will notice. I try to put some cold water over my face to look refreshed, but it doesn't really work.

"I thought you just got out of the shower," she says when I open the door.

I nod, trying to escape her investigative look. But she doesn't say a word about my hair being all dry or my eyes being red as if I was just cutting onions. Instead, she drops down on my couch, motioning with her hand for me to sit down next to her.

"Did I do something wrong this afternoon?" she suddenly asks out of the blue.

I know she wants to know the reason for me avoiding her all day, for leaving early without saying good night…

She moves a little closer until our bodies touch and twines her hands behind my neck. The contact sends a shiver of heat down my spine. Her smile is gone, but her face remains soft. I try to pretend I didn't understand, but I know she doesn't buy it.

"You made me nervous," I admit.

"I'm sorry about that," she quietly says while her thumbs gently rub my neck. "I didn't mean to."

She changes her position slightly and pulls me with her. My head comes to rest against her shoulder, I see her smile again as she softly kisses my forehead. My feelings are somewhere between wanting to run away and just giving in to her caresses. It just feels too good to be the one being comforted and protected. After some time, I pull back and look at her.

"What is it?" she asks me.

"Nothing…" I return. I just can't…

"Come on, Mac… What?"

She's not gonna let this go, I know that.

"Can I kiss you?" I ask so quietly that I'm sure she can't hear it.

"What is this, kindergarten?" she asks back in feigned mocking.

* * *

_____She comes to me at night_

_____And she tells me her desires  
And she gives me all the love I need_

_____To keep my faith alive  
_

_____It's all about soul  
It's all about joy that comes out of sorrow  
It's all about soul  
Who's standing now and who's standing tomorrow_

XXXXX

"I'm a lot luckier than Frank Herzberg…" I whisper later, holding Stella in my arms. We are still on the couch in the living room.

"How's that?" she quietly asked.

"He only lost 15 percent of himself, and he died. When Claire died, I lost at least 50 percent of my life. But I survived – thanks to you. I found the one person that makes me feel whole again."

She presses her lips together and I can see she fights some tears that start filling her eyes. She softly kisses my lips instead of replying to what I just said.

"Did you eat? I can make you some dinner if you want and you …" she gives me a playful look, "you could go and take a real shower in the meantime."

I smile at her and nod in return.

"That sounds good, thanks."

_____You've got to be hard  
Hard as the rock in that old rock 'n' roll song  
But that's only part_

_____You know in your heart_

_____It's all about soul_

XXXXX

I didn't hear the bathroom door open. A waft of cool air touches my body when the shower door quietly slides open, then a warm body covers the chilly feeling. I press back into her.

"Is dinner ready?" I ask without opening my eyes.

"Haven't started yet," she whispers into my ear while she starts rubbing my back tenderly.

"Good…"

_____It's all about soul_

* * *

**... and about finding the right soulmate, hum?**

**I hope you liked the "comeback" - if you want, try to motivate me to write faster with some of those nice little reviews, I really miss them ;-) Oh - and btw, I watched "Rain" which would be the next episode in line and ... I don't have the slightest idea about what to make out of this one. It's a cute one with some really nice StellaMac interaction, but I don't feel any urge to do something about it or the need to "fix" something. If anyone has an idea what to write regarding this one, send me a PM. Otherwise I might just leave one out and try the next one :-)**

**Thanks, xxxlittlesheepxxx**

* * *


	7. Rain

**Terribly sorry for the eternal delay in updating - I missed you guys sooo much! Now I finally got myself back to being creative (was about time, I know) - I hope you like what came out. I had an inspiration for "Rain" after all when there was a heavy rain on my way back home from work several weeks ago ;-) Only that I had no Mac with me...**

**There you go - please R & R!**

* * *

_Chapter 7 - Rain_

Rating: T

Genre: General, Romance

Summary: A hundred thousand words could not quite explain, so I walk you to your car and we can talk it out in the rain – from "Unsaid" by The Fray

* * *

_Not that you're the one  
Not to say I'm right  
Not to say today  
And not to say a thing tonight  
_

_  
But suffice it to say  
We're leaving things unsaid  
We sing ourselves to sleep  
Watching the day lie down instead  
_

_  
And we are leaving some things unsaid  
And we are breathing deeper instead  
_

XXXXX

They had left the precinct after handing baby Doris back to her mother. On the way back to the car, a call had reached them. Danny had asked for backup at a crash site somewhere outside of the city.

"So much for calling it a day," Stella sighed and slipped into the driver's seat.

"Want me to drive?" Mac asked as he fastened the safety belt on the passenger site.

"No, I'm fine."

They drove in silence through the darkening streets of Manhattan. Despite the still early evening, it was already almost dark. The sky was filled with thick, black clouds, ready to burst.

"We're gonna get more rain," Mac announced with a glance through the windshield.

"Brilliant, just what I need for a nice evening. Crash site investigation in a thunderstorm," Stella grumbled while she focused on the traffic.

In the distance, ominous rumbling announced the beginning of the upcoming storm, accompanied by first lightning. They left the city and followed a long, lonely road into a rather deserted area on the outskirts. The area was usually frequented by hikers, mountain bike riders, motor cross riders and other outdoor activity freaks. Apparently now some small plane had gotten lost in the upcoming storm and crashed down in the middle of nowhere.

Stella tried her best to keep the car steady on the road. A goal that wasn't all that easy to achieve given the fact that everything around them was pitch black by now, there were no lights of any kind around and the precursors of the storm in form of extremely strong blasts of wind kept hitting the car from all sides. Besides that, the road they were using was just an improved dirt path with more holes than Swiss cheese.

All of a sudden, the rain started. Rain was actually the understatement of the century, it was pouring as if all the water came down in one compact mass, not in drops or jets of water. The wipers were moving across the windshield in high speed, but the effect was basically non-existent. With the condition of the road and the lack of visibility, it was absolutely useless to try moving on.

"Want me to stop?" Stella asked, her hands clutched to the steering wheel, her eyes trying to focus on what might be behind the water curtain in front of the car.

"You are driving, your call," Mac replied. He didn't want to patronize her by ordering her to stop, but knew for himself that they would hardly make any progress under these conditions, let alone risk their own lives if they tried to.

"Maybe if we try very slowly…" Stella said, agitation evident from her voice.

In that moment, the car sled to the right side, lost balance for a moment, regained it briefly and then stopped moving. Stella carefully stepped on the gas, but despite the 4-wheel drive, the wheels only spun on the spot. They were stuck.

"Damn!" Stella cursed and tried again. No use. "Crap! Son of a bitch! Goddamned—"

"Are you done already?" Mac interrupted her tirade. "I don't think it'll do any good if you quote the entire "Dictionary of Swearwords" now."

"So, what's your suggestion then?" she glared at him.

"Call for help, get out and fix the problem – or wait until the rain is over," Mac calmly returned.

Another glare, then Stella grabbed for her cell phone.

"Crap!" she announced after a moment.

Mac shook his head with a light smile.

"What now?" he asked carefully.

"No reception…"

"Well, then…"

"You can't possibly want to go out in _this_ weather and try to get the car back on the road?!"

"Not really," Mac admitted. "I suggest since we thought about waiting it out anyway, that's what we do now."

"They are waiting for us at the scene," Stella objected.

"If the storm is as heavy there as it is here, they will know why we aren't coming."

Stella grew silent while the storm kept gaining power. When a loud thunder bolted and the car shook from the impact of the sound waves, she started. In the light of the following lightning, Mac glanced over to her.

"What? Stella Bonasera is afraid of thunderstorms?" he wondered.

She was strained. More than he could know in the darkness of the car. The slightly mocking undertone in his voice that she believed to hear didn't help a bit.

"Careful," she slowly said in a low voice. "Be _very_ careful."

Luckily for him, she couldn't see him fighting a grin.

_  
_"So horrible to be trapped here alone with me?" he asked, careful as she had suggested. "I think that such storms can even have something romantic, don't you?"

_We're both pretty sure  
Neither one can tell  
We seem difficult  
What we got is hard as hell_

She didn't answer. Mac became slightly concerned.

"Stella?"

When she still didn't react, he reached over with his right hand and gently turned her face to him. Stella wanted to repel him, push his hand away and turn to look out of the driver's side window. When her eyes caught the worried look on his face, she stopped. For a moment, their eyes locked and the storm outside seemed to stand still.

___A hundred thousand words_

___Could not quite explain  
So I walk you to your car_

___And we can talk it out in the rain_

Stella opened her mouth. Before he really knew what he was doing, Mac closed it with his lips and stifled her attempt to protest. After a first deep thrust, his kiss softened when he noticed she wasn't fighting against it. Stella responded almost without realizing she'd done so, curling her tongue up the soft underside of his and sucking it gently. It was a kiss of surprising skill and charm, she never would have expected him to be this passionate.

The thunderstorm seemed to calm down, yet the rain poured on the car with unbroken force and the wind was still extremely strong, too. In a moment of silence, Stella counted pulse beats. His? Hers? She couldn't tell. All she knew was that she felt save next to him, he wouldn't let anything happen to them.

Not that she was totally freaked by thunderstorms, but they reminded her of a time when she was living in the orphanage as a little girl. One day they had made a trip to the woods and she got lost because she had followed a little rabbit. When a storm broke loose, she had hidden underneath an old tree root, all alone, totally drenched and scared to death. This memory from when she had been six years old still followed her.

Mac took her face in his hands and once again turned it towards him to make her look into his eyes, to see her feelings that had been buried for so long.

"There will always be things we cannot control, Stella. But we will always be there for each other when those times come."

* * *

_____And we are leaving some things unsaid  
And we are breathing deeper instead  
And we are leaving some things unsaid  
_

_____  
I can sing myself to sleep  
No more_

She gave him a pensive look, but didn't say anything.

Mac's phone beeped, announcing the receipt of a text message. When he kept looking at her instead of reacting, Stella looked at him expectantly.

"Hey, if you can receive a message, it means we can also finally call for help!" she called in a sigh of relief and tried to reach for her own phone. "What are you doing?!"

Mac reached for Stella's phone and put it aside. He took her chin into his hands and looked straight into her eyes.

"I want you to know one thing. That was not just a physical thing earlier and it didn't just happen in a 'Heat of the moment' situation. I care a lot about you and I enjoy being this close. I'm not sorry it happened."

_______And I had the feeling you weren't either…_

"And I can't promise I won't try it again."

She didn't respond, but from the way she looked at him, slightly biting her lips, he knew it was alright. He knew she agreed, even though she couldn't encourage him yet. Many things were yet unsaid, but not many words were necessary.

_______Not that you're the one  
Not to say I'm right  
Not to say today  
And not to say a thing tonight_

* * *

**That's it - the chapter that in the first place wasn't supposed to be written ;-) Hope you liked it - if so, let me know!**

**Attention now - important notice: I decided to skip "Three Generations" for now (will work on that later) and move on to the next, my VERY favorite from season one.**

**BUT: "Officer Blue" will NOT be part of this story - it will be a separate multi-chapter story posted under the name "Baby Blue" (just because this story is one of my favorites - there is no baby in the story ;-)). So watch out for that one - or put me on Author Alert since I can't promise when I will be posting that one (I will watch the episode right now to get into the right mood and be inspired more - but the writing might take a bit).**


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